River of Insanity

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It all Started with a thought

and a bottle of vodka

The thoughts multipled

as vodka took control

before I realised

I was floating

down the river of insanity

Last Dance

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She promised a dance

and a candle light dinner

a date was made

at the edge of the river

 

He came dressed like a King

and imagined her as the queen

with flowers as a gift

and wine to keep them warm

 

 

He sat on the bench

Brimming with hope

Moon looked over him

and stars gave him company

 

Then she came

dressed like a queen

his heart leaped

and thoughts froze

 

She kissed him on the cheeks

and asked how he was

before he could answer

she said she had to go

 

Her prince charming was waiting

Down the river

He just smiled

And gave her the flowers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obituary

 

I know not your last words

Because they were unsaid.

I know not your last wish

Because it was not wished.

I know not your last thoughts.

Because they were not expressed.

 

 While the rest of us were still dreaming

You silently departed.

My Kinda Hell

 

 

Finally! The moment I’ve been waiting for. I dreamt about it. I thought about how it all will happen. What would I be doing? What would I be wearing? What would my family be doing? All of us do at some point or the other. All of us think about our ends. And then it happened. One raining morning, I dropped dead. Just like that! All efforts of re-vitalizing me failed. Fools! They didn’t know. I was a goner.

 

I felt like a huge weight has been taken off my chest. I was relieved. It’s like I have broken off some unknown shackles that tied me down to this material, unforgiving and unlivable world. Finally I was free. I was excited about the journey. Journey to the after-life! Oh! I would fry in hell, I knew that. And boy was I ready for it! The way I look at it- frying in hell is like having an orgasm when compared to living in the mortal and judgmental world. There are two types of worlds as far as I am concerned. One the entire world and other: your own little world. When you have managed to wreck your own little world, there is no place you can hide because your world is part of the bigger world.

 

Anyways, I began my journey after having the complete satisfaction of seeing the last bits of my body burned to ash. That’s my ticket! So what now? Where do I go? Is there some kind of place I need to be at where I will be picked up from? While I was trying to figure out what to do next, a dude/dudette (can’t say for sure) appears in front of me and said “you ready?” To which I replied “Hell yeah!”

 

Trust me when I say this, you guys must have seen the portkey thingy in Harry Potter movies? That’s what I saw. The dude/dudette asked me to hold to his/her arm tightly. I had no choice but to hold his/her hand which was covered with tattoos of some kind. And there puff! I was stood in front of some kinda weird looking structure. I am not kidding. I was told that this was a common holding area where the sinner are separated from saints and sent to hell or heaven respectively. So I stood there in line waiting for my turn to enter into the weird looking structure. Once I got in there were these counters that you had to go. I quickly joined ones of the queues.  As I stood there waiting for my turn, I couldn’t help but look around to see if there is anybody I know. I thought I recognized a couple but again was not sure.

 

And when my turn came, the lady behind the counter asked me to stretch my hand. She stared at my palm for a long time. After which, she referred a list and read out my name and some other details and asked me to confirm them. When I did, she frowned. I was not surprised. I thought the list she  looked at must have mentioned that I be shipped to the darkest place  in hell. But all she did was to ask me to wait. I must admit, I was a little perplexed. All sorts of thoughts came to me. What if my time was not over and they would send me back to the mortal world. But I was wrong. I was guided by a creepy looking guy toward another building. What I had to go through next was very painful. I was led into a room full of mirrors. Everywhere you look, the only thing you see if your own self.  Then it made sense to me. I was to look at myself and it was not easy. I’ve avoided doing that all my life. After what I did to people, I didn’t have the courage to look at myself.  Everywhere I looked, it me staring back to me.  I couldn’t even close my eyes. It didn’t happen. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t close my eyes at all. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do. I was prepared for the worst kind of punishment in hell, but not this. It’s simple and the most effective way of punishment. But I had an eerie feeling that this is not the end. After what appeared to be ages, the door opened and I was led out.  I was told this was just the beginning. One thing most sinners avoid is looking  at themselves in the mirror.  I knew that whatever came next would be worst than this and trust me I was not ready for it.

 

I was led by a creepy looking guy into another building filled with rooms. Each floor had several rooms and all of them were locked. I walked past several such doors and kept on walking.  And finally it happened. I stopped in front of door which had my name on it. I was told that this is the room I was to enter and this is where my soul will rest forever. I asked that creepy looking guy if this is hell. With a straight face he replied “worst than hell”.

 

  The room was dark and initially I couldn’t see anything. My first instinct was to run out of the room. But I knew I could never open the door and I was in a place where breaking the door and running away is not the option. I felt I was in a horror movie where anything or anyone can pop out of nowhere and scare the fuck out of you. Then slowly dark shapes appeared.  After a while I saw those shapes clearly. The felt the full impact of creepy guy’s words when I saw what was in front me.  I was shocked beyond words.

There in front of me were bunch of people. All the people I hurt in my life. Their staring eyes demanding answers. I was defenseless, weaponless. There was nothing to hide behind. No excuses, no lies, no manipulations.   I escaped them before. But now there is no escape.

Yes this is worst than hell! Now I knew why I lived so long.

He/ She – it continues

We sat there on the park bench-shivering in the cold. The heavy silence occasionally punctuated by chirping of the birds. The distance between us can be measured by depth of our history. Despite lack of communication, there was no awkwardness. We felt safe in each other’s company – A familiar feeling. Both of us wondering what we are doing here. Where do we start? How do we start? Should we talk about the progress we made in our respective lives or should we talk about how we thought of each other in the long absence? So many questions, but too little time.

*********

On the way to the park, we took measured steps, ensuring not to touch each other. What a shame? Both of us trying to guess others thoughts. A brave attempt to start a conversation quickly defeated by direction the conversation would lead to. Occasions glances at each other. Shaking our head in disbelief. Was this us? Really us? We were behaving like two strangers on a blind date. We knew we could reach out and touch the other and we wouldn’t protest or feel awkward. So much to say, but too little time.

*********

As I left you sitting on that park bench with tears in your eyes, I knew our fates are entwined. There is no use untangling them. No matter how much we try or how many reasons we find, our paths will cross again and our tryst will continue. No matter whom we belong to, we belong to each other!

Promise

 

 

I am no immortal to

promise you undying love.

I am no saint to

promise you sacrifices.

But know this my love,

This is me,

old, tired and thin

promising to be there until I breathe.

Nostalgia

 

 

Waking up in the morning,

our naked bodies tangled together.

Early morning sun peeking

through the half open window.

My finger lingers on your flat stomach

making patters, writing our names.

Silence lingers in the room,

not wanting to disturb our thoughts.

A million lovers’ hearts beating

to the rhythmic beats of ours.

Outside the lonely sea,

seducing us with its waves,

wanting us to fill its loneliness.

Nostalgia begins creep into heart,

catapulting me back to the time

Where we first made love,

talking with our eyes,

When I first filled you with my love.

Those nights of confessions,

Bonding over weed and beer.

 

Will be we have our own history?

Will we wake up in peace again?

Will we have that silence again?

Will we make love like we did the first time again?

Lost Memories 2

 

 

I tread the familiar road that we walked once,

recollecting all the conversations we had.

That beautiful Mountain View

That long narrow road,

leading straight into falling rain.

That long and tiring trek,

Those stretches of silence,

Those unwinding memories,

Those small road side shops!

I walk the same road again,

filled with shimmering lights and gentle drizzle.

The road still echoes with

your sweet laughter.

It feels like just yesterday that we huddled

under the street lamp and shared a spontaneous kiss.

I stand at the pavement where you sat and said

“I can’t walk anymore!”

“Do you want a piggy-bag ride?” I asked smiling mischievously.

You blushed, lighting up the mountain side.

And when we reached the summit

we looked at each other, exchanged silent vows.

hands held together we made our promises

promises of friendship and long lasting love.

And when time came to say goodbye,

I said “Wait! lets take a picture”.

And you said “this is already etched in my memory”.

Defiance

 

 

 

I watch as time slips

like sand through my fingers.

As you stare out of the window

I hold my breath

at the image your silhouette

makes against the evening sun.

I smell your hair that

carelessly fall on your bare shoulders.

What is the name of

that silence in your eyes?

what is the origin of

that defiance on your face?

Do I create the 8th wonder of the world for you?

Do I become Wordsworth for you?

I could do anything to make you

utter a word right now.

Silent Lucidity 2

 

 

 

Muted Images on the television

Cigarette smoke in my lungs

Alcohol on my breath

Silent song on my lips

Thoughts of you in my head