Reluctant Traveler’s dairy

 

Varanasi, a magnet for all things spiritual, occupies a special place in the hearts’ of millions of Hindus all over the world. Situated on the banks of river Ganga (considered one of the holiest rivers by Hindus), the city is in the midst of an evolution from being one of the oldest cities to a city where the arms of modernization are slowly spreading.   Caught between being a lazy traveler and a reluctant pilgrim I set out on the journey with lot of questions and excitement.

Allahabad:

After spending 26 hours in a train, my journey started with the city of Allahabad. As soon as I got out of the station, I was greeted with a big hoarding of “Kumari” Mayawati (one of India’s powerful and influential politicians). Allahabad is famous for Triveni Sangam. Triveni Sangam is the confluence of three holy rivers Ganga, Yamuna and Saraswati. This place is of mighty importance to all Hindus. According to the mythology a great battle took place between the Gods and Demons for a pitcher of nectar which will bestow immortality. During the great battle, a drop of nectar fell where the Sangam currently is situated. Hence it is believed that a holy dip at the Sangam will not only break the cycle of re-birth, but also wash away all the sins and pave the way for heaven. For the same reason the ashes of dead people are immersed in the Triveni Sangam. So I took a boat ride to the place where the three rivers meet for a holy dip hoping to wash away all my sins. I was immediately taken aback at the extent of pollution. These rivers apart from being holy, also serve as dumping grounds for almost everything and anything which is a paradox. The most common answer I get when I ask the locals of this paradox is that they depend on these rivers for everything. Literally everything! Nevertheless with great trepidation, I took a dip in the cold and frigid water. And surprisingly, I felt a strange and inexplicable peace wash over me.  

Triveni Sangam is also famous for the Kumbh and Maha Kumbh Mela. These Melas which takes place on the banks of the Sangam occurs every 12 and 144 years respectively. It’s the largest gathering of Hindus on a single day and has a special significance for Hindus. The major events of the festival are a ritual bath at the banks of the river Ganga. Other activities include religious discussions, devotional singing, mass feeding of holy men and women and the poor, and religious assemblies where doctrines are debated and standardized. It is also believed that on this day, Gods come in the form of humans to take a dip at the Sangam during Kumbh Mela. These Melas are often visited by Naga Sadhus (also called as Aghoras).  The Naga Sadhus are considered to be devout followers of Lord Shiva. They are feared and also revered for their extreme lifestyle.

Varanasi:

It is said that every Hindu must visit Varanasi atleast once in their lifetime.  There has always been some kind of spiritual mystery surrounding Varanasi (also called as Kasi and Benaras).  I’ve heard stories of people renouncing everything and traveling to Varanasi to become a Sadhu or to die. I was determined to find out what is that makes this place so special and different from other holy places. This leg of my journey started on a bitter note when I lost my expensive mobile and many pictures that I had already clicked. It is believed that everybody who visits Varanasi is supposed to give up atleast one thing that is dear to them. I had made up my mind not to go by this adage. But unfortunately I lost my mobile and in a strange way I was forced to follow the age old adage. Anyways my first thoughts about the city were that it is like any holy city coping with the flood of pilgrims that visit every day.  The city as such needs a lot of development in terms of basic sanity. The roads are narrow and filled with overflowing traffic with absolutely no sense of direction.  And to add to the many forms of pollution is noise pollution. I am surprised that I haven’t gone deaf with the constant, irritating and unnecessary honking. Apart from the many temples, I absolutely loved the ubiquitous tuk tuks (3 wheeled cycles propelled by human power and used as means of transportation).  Travelling in them you almost feel like a Maharaja traveling on an elephant.

To reach the banks of river Ganga one has to navigate a series of intricate and very narrow lanes which often can become very confusing. However these narrow lanes are a hub of activities. These lanes have houses, temples, hostels, shops selling a wide range of things and also restaurants. It’s like a mini city within and an adventure overall. However the reward at the end is priceless. You are faced with a magnificent view of the river Ganga flowing toward Bay of Bengal in all its might.  The entire hustle and bustle, all that noise is replaced with tranquility and beauty that it leaves you speechless. It’s like time itself stops and you are transported to a different era. During the day you will find people sitting by the river deep in meditation and during the nights, you find people just sitting or walking around enjoying the breeze and tranquility. The main attractions of Varanasi apart from the holy river of Ganga are the temple of “Lord Shiva” and Ganga Aarti (prayer offered to river Ganga) which takes every evening on the banks of the river.  The entire spectacle is stunning and is a treat to the senses in every way. This scene is best enjoyed from a boat on the river.

What I observed is that Varanasi, over the years has become a money making institution with people trying to take advantage of the faith in order to extract money in any which way possible. Every aspect of the faith and religion is commercialized and turned into a profitable business. With this kind of rampant commercialization, faith itself takes a back seat as you are constantly trying to ward off people trying to take advantage.  Having said this, the city also boasts various institutions of different sects and beliefs like “Ramakrishna Mission” that teach yoga, meditation and free medical services.  Varanasi over the years has attracted people from all walks of life including international tourists. People flock to this place not only for the religious significance but also in search of peace and spiritual enlightenment.  Unless you are an atheist, Varanasi does not fail to leave a mark on you.

 I, on the other hand was not sure what I wanted when I started on this journey. But when I left Varanasi, I left with the images of mighty Ganga, the Ganga Aarti, the tranquility that I experienced sitting on the banks of Ganga, those narrow and congested lanes alive with activity, the tuk tuks.

Now the travel bug has gotten into me. I love the unexpected detours. All the well made plans go for a toss and you end up experiencing something new and wonderful.

I intend to continue this travelling. I intent to satiate this growing wanderlust.

.

Stay Away

Stay away!

 Stay away!

My time ain’t come yet

 I am not ready

to sleep in your

arms of death!

Abyss of Fear

 

Caught between the abyss

of real and surreal

My mind grapples to make

sense of this constant noise.

 

The lark stopped

singing long ago

The high faded

ages ago.

 

 

My fear lurks in

 form of darkness

playing an ugly

hide and seek.

 

Now the end to madness

seems oh so near

yet the journey

has just began.

My Kinda Hell

 

 

Finally! The moment I’ve been waiting for. I dreamt about it. I thought about how it all will happen. What would I be doing? What would I be wearing? What would my family be doing? All of us do at some point or the other. All of us think about our ends. And then it happened. One raining morning, I dropped dead. Just like that! All efforts of re-vitalizing me failed. Fools! They didn’t know. I was a goner.

 

I felt like a huge weight has been taken off my chest. I was relieved. It’s like I have broken off some unknown shackles that tied me down to this material, unforgiving and unlivable world. Finally I was free. I was excited about the journey. Journey to the after-life! Oh! I would fry in hell, I knew that. And boy was I ready for it! The way I look at it- frying in hell is like having an orgasm when compared to living in the mortal and judgmental world. There are two types of worlds as far as I am concerned. One the entire world and other: your own little world. When you have managed to wreck your own little world, there is no place you can hide because your world is part of the bigger world.

 

Anyways, I began my journey after having the complete satisfaction of seeing the last bits of my body burned to ash. That’s my ticket! So what now? Where do I go? Is there some kind of place I need to be at where I will be picked up from? While I was trying to figure out what to do next, a dude/dudette (can’t say for sure) appears in front of me and said “you ready?” To which I replied “Hell yeah!”

 

Trust me when I say this, you guys must have seen the portkey thingy in Harry Potter movies? That’s what I saw. The dude/dudette asked me to hold to his/her arm tightly. I had no choice but to hold his/her hand which was covered with tattoos of some kind. And there puff! I was stood in front of some kinda weird looking structure. I am not kidding. I was told that this was a common holding area where the sinner are separated from saints and sent to hell or heaven respectively. So I stood there in line waiting for my turn to enter into the weird looking structure. Once I got in there were these counters that you had to go. I quickly joined ones of the queues.  As I stood there waiting for my turn, I couldn’t help but look around to see if there is anybody I know. I thought I recognized a couple but again was not sure.

 

And when my turn came, the lady behind the counter asked me to stretch my hand. She stared at my palm for a long time. After which, she referred a list and read out my name and some other details and asked me to confirm them. When I did, she frowned. I was not surprised. I thought the list she  looked at must have mentioned that I be shipped to the darkest place  in hell. But all she did was to ask me to wait. I must admit, I was a little perplexed. All sorts of thoughts came to me. What if my time was not over and they would send me back to the mortal world. But I was wrong. I was guided by a creepy looking guy toward another building. What I had to go through next was very painful. I was led into a room full of mirrors. Everywhere you look, the only thing you see if your own self.  Then it made sense to me. I was to look at myself and it was not easy. I’ve avoided doing that all my life. After what I did to people, I didn’t have the courage to look at myself.  Everywhere I looked, it me staring back to me.  I couldn’t even close my eyes. It didn’t happen. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t close my eyes at all. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do. I was prepared for the worst kind of punishment in hell, but not this. It’s simple and the most effective way of punishment. But I had an eerie feeling that this is not the end. After what appeared to be ages, the door opened and I was led out.  I was told this was just the beginning. One thing most sinners avoid is looking  at themselves in the mirror.  I knew that whatever came next would be worst than this and trust me I was not ready for it.

 

I was led by a creepy looking guy into another building filled with rooms. Each floor had several rooms and all of them were locked. I walked past several such doors and kept on walking.  And finally it happened. I stopped in front of door which had my name on it. I was told that this is the room I was to enter and this is where my soul will rest forever. I asked that creepy looking guy if this is hell. With a straight face he replied “worst than hell”.

 

  The room was dark and initially I couldn’t see anything. My first instinct was to run out of the room. But I knew I could never open the door and I was in a place where breaking the door and running away is not the option. I felt I was in a horror movie where anything or anyone can pop out of nowhere and scare the fuck out of you. Then slowly dark shapes appeared.  After a while I saw those shapes clearly. The felt the full impact of creepy guy’s words when I saw what was in front me.  I was shocked beyond words.

There in front of me were bunch of people. All the people I hurt in my life. Their staring eyes demanding answers. I was defenseless, weaponless. There was nothing to hide behind. No excuses, no lies, no manipulations.   I escaped them before. But now there is no escape.

Yes this is worst than hell! Now I knew why I lived so long.

He/ She – it continues

We sat there on the park bench-shivering in the cold. The heavy silence occasionally punctuated by chirping of the birds. The distance between us can be measured by depth of our history. Despite lack of communication, there was no awkwardness. We felt safe in each other’s company – A familiar feeling. Both of us wondering what we are doing here. Where do we start? How do we start? Should we talk about the progress we made in our respective lives or should we talk about how we thought of each other in the long absence? So many questions, but too little time.

*********

On the way to the park, we took measured steps, ensuring not to touch each other. What a shame? Both of us trying to guess others thoughts. A brave attempt to start a conversation quickly defeated by direction the conversation would lead to. Occasions glances at each other. Shaking our head in disbelief. Was this us? Really us? We were behaving like two strangers on a blind date. We knew we could reach out and touch the other and we wouldn’t protest or feel awkward. So much to say, but too little time.

*********

As I left you sitting on that park bench with tears in your eyes, I knew our fates are entwined. There is no use untangling them. No matter how much we try or how many reasons we find, our paths will cross again and our tryst will continue. No matter whom we belong to, we belong to each other!

Bizzare Episodes

Lots of times I feel totally disconnected from everything and everybody around me. I tried understanding why I feel that way, but somehow I could never completely understand the reasons. The following is my way of expressing this never dying feeling inside me.

 

Part-1: Where am I?

He opens his eyes and he finds himself in a dark and smoke filled room. He looks around confused and dazed. People all around him – Naked. He can feel their cold stares all over his body. On the floor a woman lying with her arms resting on the side. Calm and steady as if meditating. She is oblivious of her nakedness and her surroundings. Staring into the night sky through the open roof. The sky is filled with a million stars as if fighting to compete for her attention. Stars of all colors filling the sky with such brightness that it hurts the eyes. Yet she stares at the sky without blinking. He looks around again and the naked people are still staring at him. He asks loudly “Where am I? Who are you people?? He gets no answer, only stunned silence. He wonders, the sky is filled with so many stars, yet this room is dark. What is this place? All the while the stares continue. He wonders if these people are staring at him or something beyond him. Then he hears a loud voice that says “Welcome!”. The voice catches him off-guard. “Welcome!” the voice booms again. “Where am I? What is this place?  The voice replies:  “This is the place you always wanted to be in”.

 

Part-2: The Warrior.

A warrior sits underneath a street lamp fully armed in a crowed intersection. All around him there is a plethora of activity. Cars flying on the road. People walking everywhere. Shops elegantly decorated with lights of different colors. Wind blowing between the high Skyscrapers and making people shiver. The warrior is confused. He looks at himself. He has his helmet on, his breastplate thick and strong made out of brass and shiny big blade neatly tucked in his scabbard. If his guess is right, he is in the wrong place. He should be in a battlefield and not in this place. He clearly does not belong here. His eyes fall on a dirty woman with ragged clothes lying on the ground. Half her body is exposed to the elements. Yet she makes no effort to cover herself. Then his eyes fall on a couple walking along the road with hand in hand whispering into each others ears. The warrior thinks this is an illusion created by the enemy and he unsheathes his sword as if expecting the enemy to charge straight at him. Yet no one notices him. He gives out a loud war cry and still no one notices him. The warrior is even more confused and just stands there and watches people walk up and down the street. Finally he sits down again underneath the street lamp.

I met God when I was stoned

I met God when I was stoned. It was damp and cold with no lights around.

“Just another one and you will be there”, said the voice.

I took a drag and fell on my back. My eyes rolled and senses numb.

“Oh take me there” I asked the voice.

The voice took my hand and I left my body. Floating now and giggling like a child. I saw the moon; I saw the stars lonely and cold waiting to die. Some big and bright and some small and dull. Terrifyingly alone yet immaculately placed. I said goodbye to them and entered the darkness.

“What is this place?” I asked the voice.
“It’s the graveyard for the death” came the reply.
I took another drag and said “NO SHIT”.
“Yes that too”, said the voice.

Slowly darkness gave way to a kind of bluish haze. It was like the sky was filled with some kind of blue gas.

“Now whose graveyard is this?” I asked the voice.
“Stars! This is where life is created. Stars when they die, they explode and thus life is created” came the answer.

Utterly confused and dazed I stared ahead. I saw a faint light growing big.

“What is THAT?”
“That’s the light tunnel. We need to take it to meet Him”.
“Light tunnel?”
“Yes Light Tunnel”.
“And who is He?”
“He is the one you wanted to meet!”

As I entered the light tunnel, my body froze. I could not move and SHIT I could not blink even. Then I entered a room filled with people. People of all ages, sex, race and color dancing and swaying in ecstasy to the tunes of the DJ. I looked around for the DJ and there he was standing in the corner spinning records.

“That’s Him! He is the One you wanted to meet” said the voice.
I walked to the DJ and asked “Who the hell are you Dude and where the fuck am I?”

The DJ turned around and said “Ah! Finally you have come. I’m the God”

I rubbed my eyes in disbelief wondering if I was reading too much of Harry Potter.

“No kidding. You are THE God? But you are the DJ.”
“Yes I’m the DJ and I am the God. I am the Alpha and the Beta. I am the beginning and the end. Hell I am Jim Morrison and I’m John Lennon” came the answer from the DJ with loose t-shirt and super loose baggy pants.

“Wait! Am I dreaming?”
“No you are not.”
“Who are these people?”
“Oh! They are my guests. Look around you will find some famous and interesting people.”
“How did these people get here?”
“They attained Nirvana!”
“No shit! This is where people come after attaining Nirvana?”
“Absolutely!”
“Can I have a drag?” asked the DJ
“You want a drag?” I asked Him in absolute disbelief.
“Yes dude I want a drag and stop acting surprised.”

Shell shocked and with great effort I passed the joint to Him. He took a drag, inhaling the smoke savoring every moment.

“You know the biggest mistake I ever did after getting stoned?”
“What?” I asked feeling unreal and stupid.
“I created mankind and ever since I am trying to cover up.”

*********——————**********

This piece was not written to hurt anyone’s religious sentiments. If it does, then Dude take a hike.

Coming Soon: I met Gandhi when I was stoned.

 

Blur

The time has come they say

to move on in life.

This is an age of

unrealistic expectations,

short lived love,

unhappy lives,

broken hearts,

dwindling morals,

dissipating self respects,

and tortured souls.

This is an age where you make

a big deal of out life.

This is an age where you live

in seconds, rather than in days.

While the enemies of life

sit in their sand castles,

laughing at humanity.

While the enemies of love

are plotting their next move

against a honest lover,

humanity moves on

not caring for each other.

Then what will happen

to all the righteous people?

What will happen

to all the righteous things?

Who will shed tears

and burn candles

when a loved one dies?

who will console

that grieving lover

who lost a loved one?

Who will tell our children?

to dream on?

Oh! Look what life has become?

Yet another Shakespeare tragedy!

Announcement

Lots of people are asking me if what I write is based on my real experiences. Well the answer is no. Its work of pure fiction and my imagination. So dudes and dudettes, please stop asking me such questions.

Thank you. 

Into the wild

I always wonder why otherwise intelligent and sane people sometimes do things inexplicable and insane. Is it because that they are tired of the deceitful and hypocritical society? Or is it in pursuit of something unknown? Or is it in search of truth? “Into the wild” is based on the true story of 22 year old Christopher McCandless (played by Emile Hirsch) who gives up everything in life in search of adventure and truth. His aim was to go to Alaska and live in the wilderness. Based on the bestseller by the same name (by Jon Krakauer), the movie shows every single detail of Chri’s ill fated journey into the wild. 

McCandless’s quest takes him to South Dakota, Colorado river, California, Mexico and finally Alaska. During his journey he meets lots of people and forms special bonds with them. Vince Vaughn plays a cameo in the movie as an owner of the wheat fields where Chris works for few months. 

The very first frame of the movie tells you that this story ends in a tragedy. Chris dies of poisoning (although some people claim he died of starvation) in Alaska where is he stranded without food. His body was discovered by some hunters two weeks after his death.   

Sean Penn had to wait for 10 years to get the rights to make this movie and he did a brilliant job of adaptating the book into a movie and also directing it. Apart from the story itself, the other main highlights of the movie are Original Sound Track by Eddie Vedder (lead singer, Pearl Jam) and Cinematography by Eric Gautier (The motorcycle diaries). Eric Gautier was nominated for Oscar but unfortunately he did not win. Chris, who wanted to lead a life of obscurity, is now being immortalized as rebellious cult hero who broke free from the sick society and did what he really wanted. 

All of us at some point of time get fed up with the irksome obligations of life, expectations, disappointments etc and all of us wish that we could disappear and take a break. After I finished watching the movie, I could not help but think about my own life and how similar my situation is to that of Chris’s. I could not help but ask myself, is it the society or is it our own expectations from life that drives us mad? 

To know more about the movie, please visit www.intothewild.com